at the tunnel's end

 for my brother, who's always been there for me.

          It was mid september; the cold night seemed to reflect my emotions inside. The voice of the wind imitated my parent's quarrel earlier that night. Father's company was on recession. " How will you send your children to school ?! ", those words kept haunting me that night. I can feel my pulse getting faster every second that passes; then it skipped a beat. it came to me, a decision that i've never tried taking a glance of.

                                     " If my parents are quarreling for the reason that my father couldn't anymore afford sending me to a prestigious college university, then this'll be a change of fate for me. this'll solve all these never ending quarrel and haunting words".

          Even though im no sure where will i be after i imply this decision; i gave it a shot. Just to end my parent's misery. --

          I took the darker side of life. I swallowed my pride and embraced the word, the word that my mother feared the most for me to become; since im the eldest of the four, the word 'of becoming a blacksheep'. I admit that my decision wasn't wise but that was the best i can think of. " If im a blacksheep, my father wouldn't mind sending me to college anymore, so problem solved! Instead of spending money for my tuition, they'll spend it for the studies of my siblings. So that'll be an ease on my parent's part ".

          Since i was a well-known personality in our barangay, a man whose life is an open book as what they say, my darker side spread like a deadly disease. Poisoning my body, disabling my mind, numbing my emotions and lastly freezing my heart. A heart of cold. Instead of notebooks and books, cigarettes and liquors became my companion. Ballpens turned into guns and bullets. Classmates shifted to gangmates. And death came almost everyday. I've witnessed death with my very own eyes. But killing was the last option for me. Minutes were like days for time is useless for us. Yes, this is my life. From a physics awardee, departmental exam top notcher, one of the best in class-- to an enemy of the law. Imagine how life can change in a split second of decision.

          Then one blissful morning, i woke up in the real world. I realized that i was sleeping at the wrong side of the bed, bought the wrong ticket of life and took the train going to evildom. It took me a couple of hours to realized that the decision i've made for my life is wrong. i am too young to make decisions of my own and carry the burden of my family. I laugh at the reality of decision making; a split second of decision really turned me upside down.

          To make the long story short, i had a change of heart.

          -- from a quarrel to decision making, and from there i had learned my lessons in life. A lesson that's engraved within me. A promise that can't be broken.

          If you say "life isn't easy"; yeah, i agree to that. But if you'll say that " Life isn't easy; if your closed-minded ". Ill agree with you with a salute, for you are wise enough to know that in every problem there is a million and one solutions. Its up to you to choose the right decision to take. Don't be afraid if you've chosen the wrong path with your decision making, because for every tunnel has an exit, and when your at the end of the tunnel, you'll be wise enough to choose again the right path to take. And im pretty sure this time, you'll choose the right path for you have learned your lessons when you were at the tunnel---

To the reader:

          I've shared this story of my life for you to reflect of. Be wiser in decision making. My story taught me important lessons in life:

a.) Never embrace a split-second decision for your life; for you yourself molds your fate. Take time to think and weigh the risks. A single termite can bring down the whole house; a single mistake can lead to your own destruction.

b.) Open your mind to possibilities; if your given 1% out of 100%, so be it. Always remember that there is a million and one solutions to whatever problems your facing at the moment. So 1% gives many probabilities, a pretty big chance on hitting the right path for your life. Simple Math. :)

c.) In every tunnel, there is always and exit; Do not fear and don't blame yourself if you've chosen the wrong decision for your life. Always have faith, but never hope. Just think of the bright side, atleast you've learned your lesson when you have chosen the wrong decision and that is already your advantage compared to others.

 --- and never forget to smile :) My folks used to tell me " when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade out of it. Let your weakness be you advantage. "

The world is a beautiful place to live in. Even a lifetime isn't enough to enjoy all the excitement of life.

-jtan-  

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