Pragmatic Contentment

- Pragmatic: moved by facts rather than abstract ideals.


A story between the never been broken bond of a priest and a doctor. Their opposite views in life made them a perfect competetive foe for each other. Science and Religion, the water and oil of life.




It was a cloudy afternoon, the shy sun is hiding itself amongst the overlapping thick clouds. Dr. Calzada, who is in his late 60's, was alone his porch.  It was his favorite place for it was set in a perfect angled place where he can see how huge and luxurious his residence is. He let his hand crawl in the white-marbled table and reached for his cigarettes. Then he reached for his lighter which is rested beside the pack of cigarettes in front of him lying on the table. Before he could light the cigarette, he pause for a while and stared at the lighter. It was not an ordinary lighter for it was specially designed for medical doctors like himself because it has the same seal as of the seal of medical doctors engraved on one of its side. After he lighted his cigarette, he took a deep breath, inhaling a huge amount of smoke and releasing it afterwards. He glanced above and looked at the smoke which he exhaled, dancing with the wind and disappearing before it could reach high above.

" How far have i gone? " he asked himself.

While staring this time  at the smoke produced by the lighted cigarette, he asked again.

"Have i gone far enough?"

He looked at the glassed sliding door of his porch just few meters away from him. Using the glass door as a mirror, he fixed his collar and then suddenly he remembered the necklace he was wearing for it caught his eye.
It was the necklace he bought before he took the final licensure exam 35 years ago. He bought it together with his friend. He recalled that his friend, who's with him when he bought the necklace, told him to purchase the one with a scapular pendant for it will give him the best of luck and guidance during the taking of the licensure examination.
That thought made Dr. Calzada grinned.
" Whats with this scapular that made people think that it will guide them? Is it because of faith and Jesus' face is engraved on it? If its rectangular, will people still think that it'll give them guidance? Luck by chance? " Then he gave a short laugh.

But that thought didnt stayed long enough on Dr. Calzada's head because all of the sudden, his thought was now focused on the man behind his lucky necklace.

He hastily grabbed the knob of the sliding door then pushed it aside.Dr. Calzada then immediately reached for the phone sitting at the corner of the living room and phoned his driver.

It didn't took long enough for his driver to arrive at Dr. Calzada's residence. After the driver stepped out of the car, he noticed that Dr. Calzada was waiting for him at the porch impatiently. Without wasting any second, the driver approached the chair in which Dr. Calzada was sitting and greeted him with a weak smile and added
" Good Afternoon Doctor. Isn't it a lovely day today? "
Dr. Calzada stood up and stretched his arms upward. Looking at his driver on the eye, he said "Superb! A perfect day to visit an old friend. " then he reached for the scapular pendant which is attached to the necklace hanging freely around his neck, then gripping it tightly.
Then both of the men went for the car.

Before Dr. Calzada could tell the driver to where they will be going, his driver spoke before Dr. Calzada could
" To the Church sir? " He asked Dr. Calzada that question for he noticed earlier that Dr. Calzada was tightly gripping his scapular pendant.
Then he looked at the front mirror hanging above him to see Dr. Calzada's reaction.
Dr. Calzada knodded without saying anything. Then the driver stepped on the gas.

To break the awkwark environment hovering inside the car, the driver spoke to Dr. Calzada.

" I dont think there will be any mass thats going to be conducted today sir. Today is thursday and the local church wont be offering mass on weekdays and saturdays. If you want to attend mass today, I know a church where they offer masses on weekdays. Its just a hour drive away. "

" Who said something about attending mass? " Dr. Calzada replied.

" Aren't you sir?" the driver pause for a short while before he continued.
"So why are we going to the local church? "

" You knew clearly that i dont give that much faith on God. "

After Dr. Calzada have said that line, the driver never spoke a word again. He just concentrated on his driving; avoiding big chunks of rocks along their way.

Few moments later they've reached the local church. It was an old church, for its walls tells its age. Dried leaves were all over the place and because of that, a musky scent filled the place. Silence curtains the surroundings for it was thursday. The only sound you can hear coming from the church on weekdays is the 6 o'clock banging of the bells. Dr. Calzada walked lazily as he was making his way to the priest's quarter. He observed the natural things going on around him, the things his modern house failed to have. Dr. Calzada felt a little bit of jealousy because even though the church was aged and simple, natural occurances and the setting made it a perfect and solemn view. Before he could reach the quarters he noticed a man standing still at the quarter's door. He exactly knew who it was for it possessed the same smile he knew few years back.
It was Fr. John, his classmate during his college days. The best in their batch and a medical doctor in the making but quitted in the final year. Both of them studied at the same catholic school during their highschool days and both of them decided to become a doctor. He is Dr. Calzada's bestfriend. The friend who was with him during the time when he bought the necklace. It was John who decided that Dr. Calzada should purchase the necklace with a scapular pendant for it will give Dr. Calzada guidance during the licensure examination. Dr. Calzada labelled Fr. John a loser for quitting the final year on their course. Thats what bothered Dr. Calzada the most. He also called Fr. John as " the Prodigal Son" because he chose faith and repentance over wordly desires.
Fr. John would call him back as " Adam " for Dr. Calzada chose the other way around.
Both of them were total opposites when it comes to views of life but some sort of chemistry made them a perfect competitive foe for each other.

" What brings you here old man? " Fr. John asked smilingly.
Dr. Calzada gave a big smile back like he was about to laugh because of the fact that Fr. John calling him old for he too was as old as him.
" Aren't you glad to see Adam again? " Dr. Calzada replied.

" Adam without any Eve? "

Dr. Calzada felt shy after hearing those words coming from Fr. John. Of all the things a man could have, it was a wife Dr. Calzada failed to have. Maybe because he was too busy earning money to fulfill his dreams in life.

" I dont need any Eve. Women are weak because they rely on men for their needs. They're parasites. Their weakness are contagious because they make men weak too my friend. " Dr. Calzada made a weak grin this time.

" You knew that no man can live on his island alone "

" Common men cannot live alone Fr. John. Im different from all of them, for I want the Garden of Eden all for myself. "

" Common men and great men are all the same, they're all men Dr. Calzada. In the eye of a person, one cannot tell if he's a commoner or an achiever. A person can only see that both men, the commoner and the achiever, are equal. A person can only see equal men despite their failures and achievements. "

" If thats the case. What made you different from all of men Fr. John? You too, your alone on your island without any Eve. "

" You have a point Dr. Calzada. But im a priest, and a priest cannot marry a woman. "

" As what you said earlier father, on other person's eye, your still a man. And clearly, you need your Eve too. "

" We are all freemen. I had my reason about not getting married to a woman and you had yours Dr. Calzada. We had different reasons but the root is the same. We couldn't understand each others reasons maybe because we chose different paths for our life. I gave up being a medical doctor and became a priest, while you my friend continued what you have started. You have different views than as of mine. "

There was a short silence. Then Fr. John spoke.

" Shall we stand here all afternoon or should we sit? I can notice now that your old back is starting to ache. "
Both of them exchanged soft laugh as they make their way towards the wooden bench just few yards away from the quarters.

When both of them sat in place, Dr. Calzada reached for the cigarettes inside his pocket and lighted a stick. He stared at the playing leaves being blown away with the wind, revealing the soft ground bold where his feet was resting. Then again, Fr. John started the conversation.

" So what brings you here my friend? "

" Father im confused. I had all the things a man can ask for. I have achieved my goals and ambisions in life. But something is still missing and I dont know what it is. Something is still lacking. You father, we were both classmates during highschool and both of us decided to become a medical doctor to see who will be the best between us. You were getting there father, you were the best there is. But then, all of the sudden you took the path to priesthood. You could have earned what i had earned. Didn't you regret of what had happened to your life? Of what have you become? "

" There's no more place in my heart for regrets Dr. Calzada. " Fr. John paused for a while, then he continued.
"When i was a boy, I was very eager to learn everything in life. I'm an adventurous type of person and tried to do everything I can think of. My mind was full of things a child had to do for me to learn a lot of things in life. I didn't waste any second in my life doing nothing. I tried to do what grown ups are doing. Fishing, climbing, exploring the world alone. Time ran fast and I grew up. I looked at myself as a knowledgable man for I have done and learned things grown up people could when I was still a kid. But regret came when i looked back and forgot something I couldn't do anymore. I was very busy filling up my head on things im gonna do when I grow up and tried doing them to prepare me for my future, but I forgot on how to have fun flying a kite in a kid's heart. Now that im old, I can't have a child's heart anymore because a child thinks differently than grown ups. When a kite is flown high above, adult sees the law of physics and theories that made the kite fly. But a child doesn't see that, he could only see how beautiful and fun flying a kite could be. Knowledge can sometimes be dangerous Dr. Calzada. I cant turn my life back as a kid anymore. "

" Whats your point Fr. John? " Dr. Calzada asked with a little bit of confusion on his face.

" My point is, dont regret on things anymore. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Maybe you're confused of your life and you feel something is lacking because there are things you have failed or forgot to do. No matter what it is, just promise me one thing. If you'll find it or not, just dont regret on it. I cant afford seeing my friend suffering the same pain as of what I suffered few years ago. "

" So didn't you regret  on giving up the final year and decided to become a priest? " Dr. Calzada asked.

" I had another call from above Dr. Calzada. Let's just put it this way, being a doctor is not really for me. My fate on becoming a priest was already written. "

" Written? Using the word 'written' when talking about fate is very absurd Fr. John. Your fate is not written, its you who make your fate. Building your own road. Destiny is not even a word. Its only a reproduction of the word ' Hope' which never really existed. "

" You mean nobody's really for something? You mean my call on being a priest is not as what God has planned for me? " Fr. John asked with a low voice.

"Your right father. Nobody is meant for something because we are all meant for everything. You can be what you want to be. Nothing is already written Fr. John. God left your book unwritten for you to write something on it. You made your path. Becoming a priest is not a call from above. Its what your heart is telling you. You yourself wanted to be a priest, its not God who wanted you to become one. "

Fr. John looked at Dr. Calzada with dismay. He leaned his face on his palm and stayed silent for a couple of minutes. Then he looked at Dr. Calzada with a soulful look on the eye and said

" Im lucky to have you as a friend Dr. Calzada. " then he gave a soft smile.

Dr. Calzada glanced at the setting sun behind them and realized he lost track of time while talking to Fr. John. He stood up and fixed his collar like he used to, and glanced behind to see the beautiful scenery of the dying sun.
Then he lighted a stick of cigarette to keep his temperature warm.

" In this fast evolving world like ours Fr. John, nothing is really certain. Man always find ways to improve things. Man seeks more and more knowledge. Like both of us, no matter how far we have gone, we both know that each of us is not yet contented of the life we are living. We still search within ourselves of what is missing. Everyday the world is changing its course. But of all this things one thing is certain. Like the dying sun, Death is certain among us all. That I am sure of, so no matter how high is my achievement in life Fr. John, you and me are both equals. For during our death, we will be both buried 6 feet below the ground. " Dr. Calzada laughed before he could finish what he had said.

Fr. John smiled back " You should go. You dont want to keep your driver waiting. "

Fr. John watched as Dr. Calzada made his way across the church's gate. Then Fr. John noticed something was left on the bench where Dr. Calzada was seated. It was the necklace that Dr. Calzada and Fr. John bought before Dr. Calzada took the final examination. When he was about to pick it up, he noticed small carvings on the bench made by a sharp object, a stone or a twig perhaps. Beside the necklace where Dr. Calzada intended to leave it, the carving spelled " This was written " .

While holding the necklace close to him, Fr. John watched as the sun is hiding its way beyond the vast lands and turning the orange clouds with a mix of red into complete darkness.

at the tunnel's end

 for my brother, who's always been there for me.

          It was mid september; the cold night seemed to reflect my emotions inside. The voice of the wind imitated my parent's quarrel earlier that night. Father's company was on recession. " How will you send your children to school ?! ", those words kept haunting me that night. I can feel my pulse getting faster every second that passes; then it skipped a beat. it came to me, a decision that i've never tried taking a glance of.

                                     " If my parents are quarreling for the reason that my father couldn't anymore afford sending me to a prestigious college university, then this'll be a change of fate for me. this'll solve all these never ending quarrel and haunting words".

          Even though im no sure where will i be after i imply this decision; i gave it a shot. Just to end my parent's misery. --

          I took the darker side of life. I swallowed my pride and embraced the word, the word that my mother feared the most for me to become; since im the eldest of the four, the word 'of becoming a blacksheep'. I admit that my decision wasn't wise but that was the best i can think of. " If im a blacksheep, my father wouldn't mind sending me to college anymore, so problem solved! Instead of spending money for my tuition, they'll spend it for the studies of my siblings. So that'll be an ease on my parent's part ".

          Since i was a well-known personality in our barangay, a man whose life is an open book as what they say, my darker side spread like a deadly disease. Poisoning my body, disabling my mind, numbing my emotions and lastly freezing my heart. A heart of cold. Instead of notebooks and books, cigarettes and liquors became my companion. Ballpens turned into guns and bullets. Classmates shifted to gangmates. And death came almost everyday. I've witnessed death with my very own eyes. But killing was the last option for me. Minutes were like days for time is useless for us. Yes, this is my life. From a physics awardee, departmental exam top notcher, one of the best in class-- to an enemy of the law. Imagine how life can change in a split second of decision.

          Then one blissful morning, i woke up in the real world. I realized that i was sleeping at the wrong side of the bed, bought the wrong ticket of life and took the train going to evildom. It took me a couple of hours to realized that the decision i've made for my life is wrong. i am too young to make decisions of my own and carry the burden of my family. I laugh at the reality of decision making; a split second of decision really turned me upside down.

          To make the long story short, i had a change of heart.

          -- from a quarrel to decision making, and from there i had learned my lessons in life. A lesson that's engraved within me. A promise that can't be broken.

          If you say "life isn't easy"; yeah, i agree to that. But if you'll say that " Life isn't easy; if your closed-minded ". Ill agree with you with a salute, for you are wise enough to know that in every problem there is a million and one solutions. Its up to you to choose the right decision to take. Don't be afraid if you've chosen the wrong path with your decision making, because for every tunnel has an exit, and when your at the end of the tunnel, you'll be wise enough to choose again the right path to take. And im pretty sure this time, you'll choose the right path for you have learned your lessons when you were at the tunnel---

To the reader:

          I've shared this story of my life for you to reflect of. Be wiser in decision making. My story taught me important lessons in life:

a.) Never embrace a split-second decision for your life; for you yourself molds your fate. Take time to think and weigh the risks. A single termite can bring down the whole house; a single mistake can lead to your own destruction.

b.) Open your mind to possibilities; if your given 1% out of 100%, so be it. Always remember that there is a million and one solutions to whatever problems your facing at the moment. So 1% gives many probabilities, a pretty big chance on hitting the right path for your life. Simple Math. :)

c.) In every tunnel, there is always and exit; Do not fear and don't blame yourself if you've chosen the wrong decision for your life. Always have faith, but never hope. Just think of the bright side, atleast you've learned your lesson when you have chosen the wrong decision and that is already your advantage compared to others.

 --- and never forget to smile :) My folks used to tell me " when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade out of it. Let your weakness be you advantage. "

The world is a beautiful place to live in. Even a lifetime isn't enough to enjoy all the excitement of life.

-jtan-  

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